Calvin: Wanted vs. Needed (pt. 7)


Really? Calvin was who I needed? That was extremely odd coming from Royce. Did she not hear the story of how most of our interaction was just me daydreaming about him? I didn't need Calvin. I'll admit, I wanted him, but he didn't even serve that purpose! Hmph! I can be honest with myself now that I know he's not coming back to the office. I'll go on the record saying I mostly wanted to sleep with Calvin and see where it went. I was used to that being the case with the other men that floated into my life so I expected no different from him. These situations never went anywhere. This attitude annoyed Corey the most about me.

I'd entered my last 2 "situations" like that and the guys were too preoccupied to pursue a commitment of any kind. I was fine with physical attention, but part of me would start to pretend there was more to the "situations" . Eventually, there I was asking the hard questions that I already knew the answers to.

What are we?

Where's this going?

How would you feel about me doing this with someone else?

I knew. I already knew going into to both, but I allowed myself to do it for the affection. It's crazy how people lower there standards for a physical touch (or maybe it's just me). At least with Calvin I was daydreaming about something concrete up front. There was something different about him and now he was gone.

My phone rang. It was Corey. I answered.

"Did she tell you Calvin isn't real yet?"

"Hi to you too" I rolled my eyes hoping he could hear it in my tone.

"Sorry," he apologized, "I just want you to be done with this Calvin business so you can get back to normal, be healthy, happy, and working"

I grunted and he continued. "That day you came home ranting about drinks with him, I watched you come unglued."

I totally remembered myself not really being too emotional that day, but whatever. He was going on an on.

"My friend actually called me to tell me you were in there embarrassing yourself before you came home so I knew what to expect when you got home."

His friend? What did his friend know? He must have interpreted my silence as confusion and he continued.

"My friend was watching you mumble quietly and laugh to yourself at the bar. She assumed you'd had too much to drink and called me to get you, but it seemed that a group of women there knew you and were trying to make sure you were alright. There was no man there according to her."

I just stared holding the phone

I'd really made Calvin up.


#selfimage #embarrassment #confusion

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