5 Things Season Two of HBO's Insecure Taught Us About Relationships



Although I'm an avid watcher of Insecure (HBO), I didn't cover ONE episode of the second season. Why? I had to digest it fully. Actually, I was still licking my wounds from the first season's finale. It didn't go may way (as most things don't), but I'd really identified with the main character (Issa) and she let me down. She wasn't supposed to be a cheater, and her and Lawrence's love was supposed to conquer all. (I know, I know... all roses and rainbows. When will I learn?) Reality slapped me and I had to deal with it, but that's what makes the show a magnet for post-graduate, career professionals that are still trying to figure life out. It's so real and spot on that we have to question if the writers are spying on us! We're all characters in the series in one way or another and it can be funny, frustrating, or downright depressing. While the second season didn't offer much consolation to the first season, I sucked it up and watch the reality of life unfold on the second season. Here are some takeaways from this season.

1. We all need at least one friend that will keep it real with us. God bless Kelly! She's the hottest of all messes but she will not sugarcoat anything for her friend, Issa. When Issa implied she would figure out where she would live (alone) on her meager earnings (in California), Kelly wasn't having it. She made Issa come to grips with reality immediately by harshly explaining there was nowhere for her to live alone in their city with her budget.

2. We won't always get the "closure" we need AND closure may not even be a real thing. Instead of hiding behind the guise of closure and reaching out to an ex or keeping communication open, we should probably accept the fact that there are going to be questions that will go unanswered. Some things will happen during the relationship that may never be "resolved" by one or both parties. The smart thing is to deal with how it affects you and find a way to move on. It was good to see Issa and Lawrence finally have an adult conversation about what went wrong with them in the finale. However, it was long overdue and didn't result in the type of reconciliation either of them probably wanted. The unfortunate thing about closure is that it relies on the actions of another party, and that's not conducive to proper healing.

3. What looks good to you isn't always what's good for you. So, there are plenty of men that fit the physical profile of what you want, but aren't emotionally available to give you what you need. (It's like moths to a flame with these attractive guys!) We often KNOW that they're no good for us, but we want to try-- in hopes that there will be a different outcome. On the show, Molly would rather have an affair with a man (Dro) that claims to be in an open marriage than to give a man who isn't as physically attractive a chance. Quentin may not have been Molly's type, but the fact that she was willing to sleep with him makes it more irrational that she won't give him a real chance. Since season one, she's been aimlessly chasing after the perfect guy and time after time finding herself in one compromising situation after another. Until she learns this particular lesson, she just won't "win" in any relationship.

4. You cannot sex your way out of depression or disappointment. Both Issa and Lawrence were trying to chronically sex their hurt away with almost any willing participant. The fact that they weren't successful at masking the hurt on the most superficial level is testament that it DOESN'T WORK. This season we watched them (as two broken individuals) hurt people in their attempts to sex the hurt away. What they felt eclipsed any empathy they may have for the individuals with which they are dealing. So they ended up hurting everyone in their path in an attempt to distract themselves from their own hurt. It's a sad cycle but it's common.

5. It's easy to make someone else's relationship "goals", when you don't know the effort or path it took to look so appealing. Molly idolized her parents relationship until she found out about her father's infidelities. Until then, her father was a very high bar she'd set for all of the men she dealt with. She'd viewed him as flawless and therefore the men would never be enough for her. After finding out about her dad, she checked out and entered a relationship with man that was in a self-proclaimed open marriage. That's the thing about relationships we may coin as "relationship goals". They could easily be hiding a dark road to their current state or it could be secretly in shambles. She damaged her hope believing in another couple's love. Beware of "relationship goals".

Now I'm sure there are several other lessons that could be derived from season two of HBO's Insecure, but I'll stick a pin in it here. I look forward to season three comically dropping more priceless gems and forcing us to examine ourselves. Until then, I'll continue to dream of all the ways they can let true love prevail (allowing Issa and Lawrence to get back together). Okay okay... I'll let it go!

#breakups #relationshipgoals #cheaters #dating #infidelity #relationships

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