So, you’re in the boat with most of the world and you have an ex that cheated. Sadly, it’s more common than not, but it’s also common to wonder if you did something to help the cheating along. First, let me just say it’s NEVER your fault when someone else cheats on you. Let’s start there. We can do everything right, but if you’re dating a cheater, they’re still going to cheat. This is not about preventing them from cheating, but more about highlighting ways we probably made it EASIER for them to be the bummy cheaters they were going to be anyway. Check out these 5 ways you’ve been aiding and abetting.
Not giving him emotional responsibility to you
We’re all tough badasses, but let’s not forget that we need love too. Not requiring our partners to take care of/protect us emotionally, gives them the opportunity to be emotionally careless. This is a staple in cheating. The cheater only cares about themselves and what they “need”. If you establish an expectation to be emotionally cared for and hold to the standard, cheaters will have to exit stage left. They won’t be able to keep up! Let the trash take itself out.
Not requiring much quality time
You deserve quality time that’s dedicated to only you. Yep… you read that right. It’s not a bonus, but a requirement. You may not want to be glued at the hip with your partner (and that’s fine), but accepting neglect is the recipe for him to easily divvy out his time elsewhere. Set a standard of spending quality time and stick to it. A cheater won’t be able to hang or will struggle when trying to juggle time with you and anyone else.
Not stressing the importance of open communication
If he doesn’t need to communicate with you, he’s free to communicate with the other woman. (ugh!) If you’re a communicator, don’t feel like a nag because you express your need to communicate. Does this mean you need to be talking to him every minute of the day? No. It simply means, set a standard of communication that’s comfortable for you and hold him to it. This isn’t much to ask (and don’t let him make you think it is).
Not wanting to know his friend circle
Do you need to insert yourself into the mancave of his social circle? Probably not, but it’s nice to know the people that have a strong impact on your guy’s life. You don’t have to go out with the guys or crash their gatherings to do this. Meet them. Get to know who they are and their personalities. Cheaters like to use their “friends” as scapegoats. That gets a little harder if you know them.
Not caring to know his family
I’m not sure why you wouldn’t want to know his family, but some people don’t want to meet their guy’s family. Even if you’ve heard horror stories, it’s important to meet his family. Not only will it help you understand him more, it’ll give you a since of security in the relationship. If he doesn’t want you to meet his family, there’s a chance that there’s someone else who already has. Get my drift?
Now… like I said… cheaters are going to cheat regardless, but at least put yourself in a position to “peep game” and/or make it hard for him. Hopefully you won’t have to worry about cheaters in the future, but just in case, you have this list. Be vigilant and don’t accept less than you’re worth.