Updated: Feb 26
It's engagement season and if you haven't already, you'll be seeing high school classmates, coworkers and acquaintances start to post engagement announcements on social media. Yay! (Not really for the patient woman that's waiting for her man to get a clue.) They always say don't compare your love life to another person's because you don't know what they are going through to get their ring. This is true, but it's hard to hold it in the road when it seems everyone is getting chosen EXCEPT you. If you're at the end of your rope and trying to figure out if it's worth sticking it out with your guy, consider these things before ditching Captain Non-Committal.
Does he seem to be hiding something?
I mean I hate to say it, but if he's dodging "the question" after a substantial amount of time of dating, he could be hiding another person that he's "committed" to. I've heard and seen this story before. Maybe some minor investigation could be in order for this one. If your spidy senses are telling you something's not right with the situation, it may be time to let it go and allow space for the RIGHT guy to come into the picture.
Is his delay tied to milestones?
I've heard several men say they can't get married until they make a certain amount of money, reach a certain age, etc. Depending on the milestone, this can be a deal-breaker depending on your timelines. If his milestone is to get married when he's forty (and you're both 29) and you want to marry before 30, this is a problem. I've heard people compromise in these situations and it worked out, but if you aren't flexible on your expectations and you know it, cut it off. Delaying this will only waste time for both of you.
Do you fit in with his family and friends?
If you're waiting on the ring and constantly fighting with his family and/or friends, the ring probably won't come. Every fight makes it harder and harder for him to permanently add you to his circle when there could potentially be constant drama in his life. Ideally you would expect him to choose you over everybody else, but if everybody else hates YOU, then it would appear that you are the problem. This won't encourage a proposal and is definitely an indicator that you may need to move along.
Is he trying to be the man you need?
Let's be honest, we all have shortcomings and areas where we need to improve, BUT is he really putting in an effort to improve on the things that have come up short? A piggyback question to this initial question would be: Is he capable of being the man you need? If it doesn't seem to be within his power to be the man that makes you comfortable in the relationship, it's time to reconsider that wait. Additionally, if it seems that he just doesn't want to put forth the effort to show you he wants to be the person you need in your life, it's not worth the wait.
Is he waiting on YOU to do something or make a change?
If the ball is in your court, you can't jump ship as if it's someone else's fault you aren't married. To be clear, these parameters MUST have been set and agreed upon by both parties (whatever they may be). If you made a deal that you would get married after you graduated, got into your career, etc. you can't be upset with him for holding you to your word. Get whatever it is done and put that ball back into his court.
Are you indirectly dating his mom?
If he's always getting his mom to run interception OR if she just can't seem to stay out of your relationship, this could DEFINITELY be problematic in a marriage. Ultimately, this situation is NOT worth waiting for. Imagine waiting years to marry the love of your life to only have your marriage dictated by another woman. Insanity! If he can't handle this situation properly, the value of waiting for him just may not be there.
This, by no means, is meant to be a "girl dump him" post, but if the shoe fits, stop waiting and wasting your time and his. Waiting for the right guy is always acceptable, but waiting for the wrong guy to pretend to be right is tragic. Evaluate your situation and make the call.