As childish as it may seem to break up to make up, middle aged adults are still doing it. Petty arguments get blown out of proportion or trust has been broken. Either way, one of the partners utters the 2 words that shift the dynamic in any relationship—it’s over. Sometimes it’s over and other times this is just a warning shot to trigger a series of events. Most couples do this on autopilot and never really understand why it keeps happening. Here are 8 reasons why we mature millennials break up just to make up.
We’re lazy. It’s hard work putting ourselves back on the dating market. We have to be approachable at all times, leave the house, be nice to strangers, and eventually learn the ends and outs of someone new. Nobody voluntarily WANTS to do this. Most just see it as a necessary evil, but if it can be avoided, it will be. We have to break the laziness and make "entering the market" an adventure!
Someone else will benefit from our work. Admit it. As selfish as this thought sounds, nobody wants to spend years cultivating a man for some other woman to benefit from the lessons. He was supposed to learn those lessons and apply them to making YOU happy, right? Because of this, we may break up with someone, consider this point, and retract the break-up. If we consider the fact that he STILL hasn't fully learned the lessons, it'll make it easier to let him go figure it out with his next "instructor".
We don’t want to have to figure sex out with someone new. It took you some time to figure out what he likes AND to teach him what you like. When faced with the idea of having to do this with a new person, it’s less than appealing (and maybe even a little frustrating). It’s easier to default back to what is familiar. I can't lie. The idea of enduring the awkward sex period with someone new isn't the greatest, BUT good sex with a person that doesn't deserve you is worst.
Our friends and family push for it. Some people in your circles may inadvertently push for you to get back with your partner (or maybe they’re blatant about it). It’s kind of hard to stay separated from someone who keeps getting invited to your family and friends’ events. The only solution could be to distance yourself from the friend or family member pushing the agenda.
Change is scary. Imagining life with a completely different routine is stressful. People typically try to avoid creating a new normal because patterns and similarity are comfortable by nature. After spending a short amount of time trying to create a new normal, it’s easy to just go back to what was routine. Remind yourself that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting the same result. Shake it up and embrace change!
We really believe we’re destined. When you believe that someone is absolutely the one, no break-up will stick. Unfortunately, this can be one sided and “the one” knows how to use this to his advantage. Destiny can sometimes attach itself to "time served". Just because you spend an extensive amount of time with someone doesn't mean you're destined.
We don’t want to hurt our children. Honestly, the rationale behind this does exactly the opposite of what needs to be. Watching parents at odds their whole life is never good for any child. Staying together so that they can see their biological parents in the same house hurts them if the parents are merely coexisting. They’ll probably grow up to think it’s normal behavior and repeat the cycle.
We want to show we mean business. Some of us spend most of our relationship threatening our partner to get right. After so much of this, a break-up is then used as leverage (or a scared-straight tactic). For the record, I’ve never seen it work, but it doesn’t stop people from trying. The idea here is: If he sees what life is like without me, he’ll pull it together. He won’t, if that’s not what he feels like doing. That’s just the truth.
Now, those are the 8 reasons your break-up isn’t sticking (and the faulty thinking behind them). Know that I’m not judging because I’ve probably checked off 6-7 of them myself. Hopefully, there’s no next time, but in the unfortunate event that there is a next time… you can’t say I didn’t give you the game! In the meantime, stay happy, healthy, and love hard.