“White lies are the fabric that holds relationships together.”, said No One EVER. Most would say that white lies in a relationship are harmless and others actually encourage them. Because of this, some (maybe even most) people have “little white lies” they tell their partner at some point in the relationship. These lies could be for reassurance, to spare their feelings, etc. Generally, the lies seem to be inconsequential, but sometimes they can actually snowball into larger issues for the relationship. Here are 5 lies that you shouldn’t tell your partner if you want the relationship to last.
“The sex was good.” Alright, so maybe you want to spare your partner’s feelings and avoid insecurities, but this isn’t the way. Temporarily, I guess this works, but long-term use of this lie will leave you feeling unfulfilled. Yes YOU. If you lie about the sex being good it’s never going to get better. Are you willing to deal with potentially a lifetime of bad or unfulfilling sex because you wanted to spare your partners feelings? Speak up and use redirecting statements if you’re trying to spare their feelings, but make sure they know it wasn’t good for you.
“The relationship wasn’t serious.” If you were in a relationship with someone and this is your response when your partner asks about them… bad move. Be upfront and honest. People have gone terribly wrong trying to downplay and ex to remain friends with them. Boundaries eventually get crossed and/or lines blurred. Keep it honest so that you don’t have to maintain a lie or explain yourself when your partner finds out that you really did date someone that’s still hanging around.
“I don’t mind ___.” Don’t use this little lie to seem cool or low maintenance. If you care or mind, let it be known because whatever it is will come back to bite you later. Eventually, this little offense that you supposedly “didn’t care about” will keep surfacing/happening and building into something bigger. When it does, there’s nobody to blame except you (but it probably won’t keep you from being resentful of your partner).
“That looks good.” If they change their hair, style, etc. and want to know your honest opinion, you can be honest without crushing their self-confidence. If an outfit isn’t flattering or their hairstyle isn’t a fit for their face, there are ways to let them know without damaging your relationship. When you lie about something like this and someone else is honest with them about it, it could discourage them from asking your opinion in the future. Now, you’re not a trusted resource and you should be first on the list of trusted resources!
“My mom/family likes you.” Well, it won’t be hard for them to discover this lie. The false sense of security will most assuredly be a blow to their pride if they’ve unknowingly placed themselves in the position to be shut down by mommy dearest or your family members. Imagine your partner being affectionate or bubbly toward your mom/family and getting sneered at in disgust. Now THAT would be on you for not “warning” them.
Little lies that we may think are harmless can build trust issues or just create avoidable arguments. If possible (and we all know it’s possible), we can avoid telling them completely. Sparing feelings and being afraid to initially hurt someone can lead to a world of hurt and/or problems later in the relationship. Remember that a lie, no matter how small, has the power to destroy a lifetime of trust and credibility. Just keep it real.