So… either you’re deathly shy or morally opposed to approaching a guy (just too forward, huh?). No matter the case, attracting/commanding attention isn’t your strong suit (and that’s perfectly fine). So what if you’re not the drunken party girl that stands on the bar singing and dancing to “Single Ladies”? It’s probably best that you aren’t. However, you have to find ways to capitalize on the fact that you actually came out of your house to “mingle”. The good news is, I’m here for you AND I have the solution to this problem—the wing-woman. There’s a reason guys have been using wing-men for ages! There’s been a shift on the dating scene ladies, and it’s NOT in our favor. There’s a need to be more proactive (but not thirsty) and this is the perfect way to do it. Let me outline the key components of being (or choosing) the perfect wing-woman.
SHE HAS TO BE OUTGOING.
Well duh! Please don’t go to social events or bars/lounges with your friend who’s just as much of a hermit as you! It’s the makings of a hilarious sitcom but should not be a real-life experience for you—ever. Take your social butterfly cousin or the friend that’s always introducing new people into the friend group. She’s the one. She’ll get you out of your shell a bit while attracting new people wherever you guys are standing.
Oh, and she won’t allow you to hide in one corner the entire time. She’ll have you working the room (hopefully at a pace that’s somewhere between her speed and yours).
SHE HAS TO REALLY KNOW YOU.
A good wing-woman will know how to play up your strengths. She’ll hype you in the best ways possible, but she’ll also know how to steer the conversation for you to seamlessly transition from shy to semi-comfortable. Who doesn’t get excited talking about things that interest them? She’ll know to ask him if he watches Game of Thrones, so you can possibly slide in and shake up the conversation with fan predictions (because we all have them).
Or maybe she’ll set you up to impress him with your impeccable NBA knowledge. A sports fanatic girlfriend is a godsend for some men. Just know, she’ll know what parts of your personality to highlight.
SHE HAS TO KNOW HOW TO PLAY BACKGROUND.
While she must be outgoing, she also must be able to remember that she’s there for you.
Having someone that commands all the attention while trying to play wing-woman defeats the entire purpose. Not to mention, this would be a waste of an outing for you (and if you’re like me, those don’t happen often).
Side note: If you always go out with the friend that must have ALL of the attention, this could be why you aren’t getting action.
SHE CAN’T HOVER.
She must know how to beat it once she gets you through the awkward phase of intros. Hovering and being protective will just block any chemistry that may happen between you and potential bae. Of course, she won’t leave you in a compromising situation. However, she’ll know how to set you up for the slam dunk and scram.
The perfect wing-woman knows just how far to go, and she’ll be on standby for potential assistance.
SHE HAS TO BE PATIENT WITH YOU.
The last thing you want your wing-woman to do is get fed up and ditch you! You’re apprehensive enough about putting yourself out there, so she must be understanding and supportive. If your stumbling over your words are still really withdrawn, she shouldn’t be the type to get frustrated with you. We all have SOME level of social awkwardness and it’s imperative that she understand that yours may not go away within minutes of being in a lounge.
Side note: Do a “pre-game” consultation to explain deal-breakers and what you think would be ideal.
SHE CAN’T BE A SUPER FLIRT.
Flirtatious wing-women are bound to send the wrong single. The guy’s attention will be turned to her and the “quiet friend” (you) most likely won’t get a second glance. If your outgoing friend/family member is a natural flirt, abort mission! She’s bound to mix those signals better than the drinks sliding across the bar in front of you!
So, here’s a new tactic for the super bashful woman to flourish in social settings. If you’re looking for someone to play wing-woman for you, make sure she meets the above criteria. On the other hand, if you’re planning to play wing-woman, make sure you understand these characteristics, so you can be the best wing-woman possible. Either way, go out there and glow!