Out of nowhere, the “talking phase” emerged into the dating life cycle and boom… we added another layer to the already complicated dating world. in case you're wondering, the “talking phase” is the test drive before actually committing to dating someone.
In my opinion, this created another way for people to be non-committal too. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve used the talking phase myself, but now that it’s been integrated into the dating life cycle, we must acknowledge that there right and wrong ways to use it. Here are 6 ways NOT to use the talking phase (and the reasons why).
AS A GRADUATED FRIENDZONE
This plays on the whole non-committal thing mentioned in the opening. You should never agree to enter the talking phase knowing that you only want to be friends with a person. The truth is, people in the friendzone technically should be able to bypass the talking phase because you already know their personality. Sure, you may want to slide them into the talking phase before actually dating them, but it’s mostly because you’ve probably been keeping them in a “officially dating” holding cell for way too long. Resist that impulse. If you take them out of the friendzone, the talking phase is not allowed. Don’t waste any more time. Get in there and see if it works.
AS A GUILT-FREE SEX PACIFIER
Some people have a hard time sleeping with people they aren’t dating or married to and it’s understandable. Some people have been tempted to use the “talking phase” as a way to sleep with people without feeling like it’s unattached sex. The “talking phase” implies a connection and intent. Thus, it doesn’t feel bad or wrong to sleep with someone you’re “talking” to. This is a TERRIBLE use of the phase and at the end of the day… it is what it is (regarding who you sleep with and when).
AS A SOLUTION NOT TO BE SINGLE FOR BIG EVENTS
This is by far one of the worse ways to use the phase. While it may be selfish, some people start talking to someone just to have someone to take to weddings, family dinners, holiday events, etc. This is just awful! Using the phase to not feel like a loser in these situations… makes you a super loser. Don’t do this. It’s inconsiderate and mean to the person who falls victim in this situation.
AS A WAY TO REJECT A REAL RELATIONSHIP
This one is similar to the “graduated friendzone” point. You know you don’t want to be in a relationship with the person, but agree to enter the “talking phase” as opposed to rejecting them completely. This is different from the graduated friendzone because you have NO history with the person in this situation. Basically, they want to date you, and you’re just too nice to give a flat rejection. Same premise… and still a no go. Be blunt and let them know you’re not looking for a relationship.
AS A WAY TO “TECHNICALLY NOT BE A CHEATER”
*Sigh*… (have a I mentioned that I abhor cheaters?) Using the “talking phase” with a side piece is STILL cheating. Some people believe that if they never make it “official” with the person, it’s technically not cheating. This is FALSE and using this phase DOES NOT absolve you of being labeled a cheater.
AS A WAY TO USE THEM FOR THEIR STATUS
This is probably somewhere in the gold-digging handbook. Some people will jump into the “talking phase” with a person to reap the social benefits of being with them. They may desire the financial benefits and the status it will give them to be associated with the person. They may also just want to be close to the person’s circle of friends. Whatever the reason, this is a super lame way to use the “talking phase”.
While there may be legitimate ways to utilize the “talking phase”, it gets abused more often than not. The talking phase should not be the place where potential relationships go to die. It’s slowly becoming that place. Make sure that if you are using the “talking phase”, you’re using it responsibly. Happy dating!