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Doing a Dating Self-Assessment

We take these self-assessments in magazines and on websites in hopes that we’ll get some divine revelation about ourselves. Usually they only confirm what we already know, but it’s fun answering the questions anyway. After dating a few losers and noticing patterns with the guys I entertained, I learned some things about me… yes me. I decided to do a dating assessment on myself and it helped me to understand where I’d been and where I needed to go in the dating world. Here are the things you should explore and why.

Do you have a type? If so, what is it?

The type of guys you choose says more about you than them. Here, you should be figuring out if you’re just attracted to certain personality types or guys that are more likely to do certain things. I’ll be honest and say I didn’t prefer guys that were super friendly because that’s a typical characteristic of a big flirt. (That preference was from a place of insecurity, of course.) My quest for not-so-friendly guys landed me with a capital jerk or two in the past. Chasing Mr. Congeniality wasn’t working for me either. Neither approach was conducive to a healthy dating life, but I found that I needed to deal with that insecurity so that my “type’ would shift into a better space.

How do you respond to conflict in relationships?

At one point, my default was to immediately think the worst in situations that may not even be big deals. (Kind of like… “where’s the conclusion so I can jump to it?”) I was pretty bad, but I wasn’t always vocal about these conclusions. I would box them away and start to put up walls—in an effort to not come off as needy or crazy. Either way, it wasn’t good. Eventually I would wonder why the guys still seemed so distant or hesitant about being open. (Sound familiar? Tell me I’m not alone.) It was me… again. I couldn’t expect them to be open and honest with me when I was hiding and holding in issues I had with them. I started oversharing and addressing things when they happened. If we didn’t mesh, it was good to find out early. It’s been working for me ever since.

What are your deal breakers?

There are some that have the most trivial deal breakers and others who don’t seem to have a cut off point at all. In your assessment, identify the things that you will not tolerate and be prepared to stick to them. I learned that becoming lenient with my deal breakers kept me in relationships that I knew wouldn’t work for entirely too long. It’s okay to have deal breakers. Just be fair when setting them and don’t create a laundry list of them. A good deal breaker list will help you navigate the dating world a lot better than just free-styling.

I’m sure you were expecting the list to be super long and drawn out, right? Like I said… you usually find out what you already know in self-assessment results. These 3 questions will just guide you into a healthier dating life by making you more aware of your triggers and/or hang-ups.

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