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The "Church Hug" is Killing Your Dating Vibe

Body language is everything. What if I told you that yours was killing your dating potential? This could very well be true. Typically, when we think of someone getting friendzoned, we automatically assume that it’s the guy getting thrown in the friendzone by his lady friend, but it happens the other way around too. What’s getting women banished to the friendzone? Body language. Body language can make or break your interactions and if read wrong, you can end up “on ice” with someone you’re into. Here are 4 ways your body language may be killing the vibe.

Church hug

You don’t want to be too forward or you don’t want to come off as a Jezebel, so you opt for that good old church hug. There are variations of this hug, but for the most part, women have mastered the ability to lean in and back simultaneously while “hugging”. If that’s not the version you give, the side-profile-double-back-pat is always available. Either way you slice it, this hug says you don’t want to be physically or emotionally involved with the person and they can feel it (not the hug… the vibe). Although you may be shy or awkward, you don’t want to give off this vibe. Try to make your physical contact intentional, but not sexual. Hug with both hands and “find” his hand at random moments. These are positive cues that don’t scream sex. Drop the church hug and embrace a new approach (see what I did there?).

No eye-contact

I absolutely understand. As grown as I am, I hate when a new guy looks directly at me for too long. I get shy or super goofy to offset the awkward feeling. However, I force myself to make eye contact for the purpose of finding truth (or lies) in their eyes. They’re nervous too! Some guys find it cute or endearing when you can’t look them in the eye, but other’s will start to look at you as their shy little sister (no thanks). Focus on keeping eye-contact for brief periods during conversation to reassure him that you’re interested in him and what he’s saying. You don’t have to stare, but look like you’re present.

Directional positioning

If you’re sitting next to your potential guy on a date (or wherever), make sure your body is pointing in his direction. Positioning your body away from him is a “cold-shoulder” and a cue that he shouldn’t pursue conversation or anything physical. Face the man and smile! Who cares about your “good side” in this situation? Be warm and inviting.

Arms crossed

This is the classic “don’t bother me” stance. For me, this position is natural and is just comfortable for my long arms (or maybe I’m just mean). Either way, if I want to be approached by strangers or have productive conversations with known individuals, I have to put the folded arms away. If you’re like me and this is a habit, try to be conscious of it before it costs you a good connect. Twirl your hair when standing or rest your hand on something nearby. If sitting, just put your hands in your lap, but don’t get lost in your phone. That’s is the digital version of crossing your arms.

Don’t let your body language send a message that is opposite of your true intentions. Men will never know it’s okay to approach you or think of you as a romantic partner if your signals scream “friendzone” to them. Be mindful of your movements and how they can be perceived. You’re not alone. Let’s work on it together!

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