Nobody likes homework, but this is a good “assignment”.
Most of us think we are automatically ready to be in the relationship of our dreams just because we want it. We sit around waiting for the man of our dreams to roll up so we can be perfect for him and live happily ever after, but… it doesn’t quite work like that. I’ve had a few relationships that made me look inward as to why I was the candidate for the f*ckery (couldn’t find a better word) I endured. This exercise is best used while waiting for a new relationship (without a heavy heart).
*Enter the vision board* I keep seeing people making vision boards for life in general to keep them focused on what they want financially, spiritually, career-wise, etc. This idea got my wheels turning. Why not make a relationship vision board? I’m guilty of saying “I’m not taking ___ anymore”, and eventually eating my words or coming down with a selective case of amnesia. *hangs head* I know I’m not the only one. The relationship vision board will help focus those thoughts and keep what we want/need at the forefront of our brain.
Now the question is what kinds of things do we put on this vision board? Check out my suggestions below!
What do you want to bring to the table?
There’s a lot packed into this question. It puts the initial focus on what you want to do for your partner rather than what you want them to do for you. Most people are more concerned about what their partner “brings to the table” and don’t even consider what it is that they bring (or should be bringing). Focus on things like how you would want your partner to describe you. How can you be the person that you want them describing? Combine this with your strengths. If you know that you are supportive and a good listener, add these things to the list of things you bring to the table.
What makes you ready for a relationship or what can you do to get ready?
List out things about you that indicate that you’re ready to be in a relationship. What do you think a person needs to be ready? Do you have all of the things required? Being able to share, compromise, and communicate are 3 things that are necessary for any relationship. Expound on these things and build your personalized list.
How do you want your partner to make you feel?
My number one answer here is: protected. I need to feel secure and protected in my relationships. This could be different for everybody. Focus on how you want to feel EVERY time you’re around them. There definitely can be more than one answer, but there at least needs to be ONE answer to this question.
What is your marriage goal?
If you actually want to get married, what does that relationship look like for you? This isn’t to be confused with wedding goals. Wedding goals are typically superficial and all about perception. This question digs into the heart of the relationship to find out how you would like to interact with your spouse. What would you like your roles to be? Will you assign roles at all? How will you interact with family and friends? These are all great questions to use for this section.
Include relationship affirmations.
What are some things you should remind yourself in relationships? I would start with something powerful like: I deserve love. Is there anything you would like to remind your heart? Some good ones for the heart would be: My heart is whole and unbroken. My heart is open to love. My heart receives and gives love openly.
While it may be fun to find pictures and words that help with the visual aspect of the board, the important part of it is using the sections to guide you into a healthy relationship with yourself and your future partner. With these truths and affirmations, we can be more confident in the choices we make. They will help establish boundaries and deal breakers. We’ll then be able to identify when we’re off the path to what we really want.