Updated: Feb 9
Have you ever been in a situation where it feels like no matter how amazing you try to be to a man, he won’t commit? Most of us have lived some version of this or have seen it happen to someone close. The truth of the matter is, if he’s a noncommittal person, there’s nothing you can do to change that. He is who he is. While that may sound simple enough, a lot of us just won’t give up. If you’re like me and HATE to have regrets, you hold on well past the relationship’s expiration date. Here’s a list of 8 horrors of dealing with a noncommittal man (maybe some of them sound familiar).
You’re the only person that believes in him.
If everyone around him has given up on him or your friends just don’t “see it for him” anymore, and you do… he may fit the description. People that aren’t romantically involved with a noncommittal person can spot them rather quickly. The person in the relationship with a noncommittal person will hold on to false hope and anything that may indicate a commitment is on the horizon. You may believe that one day you’ll be able to say “being patient was all worth it” because he’ll commit in a major way. Good luck with that, but I won’t tell you to give up on your dream.
He dodges conversations about the future.
It’s discouraging (to say the least) to have a “future” conversation with someone who isn’t interested in planning a future. Questions and requests tend to fall on deaf ears in this situation. He won’t initiate conversations about the future and his responses will grow tiring. How dreadful and draining!
He can’t tell you why he’s not making moves forward.
To be honest, all he knows is that he doesn’t want to move forward. Explanations and extended conversations about it will leave you frustrated and/or confused. He may try to give you “answers”, but none of them will be logical to you. That alone has got to be a form of torture for someone seeking commitment.
He cheats or has cheated.
Not only are you NOT getting a solid commitment, he’s working backward in regards to the relationship’s progress. This can be hurtful and downright horrific for someone seeking commitment. Unfortunately, some people self-sabotage for fear of commitment (and it’s not always intentional). Some men cheat to subconsciously avoid commitment.
It’s hard to make plans for simple things like dates.
If he’s extremely noncommittal, a part of your struggle is planning dates or meetings with close friends/family. He always has something to do or somewhere to be. This says a lot about where you are prioritized in his life. If you find yourself on the back burner more often than not, he may be a likely candidate for the commitaphobe crew. Don’t put yourself through it.
He doesn’t like or want to meet your friends.
If he doesn’t see the importance of meeting or getting along with your friends, he may not be planning to stay around for long. This is a sign that he may not want to commit or doesn’t see the value in doing so. Dealing with balancing between your friends and boyfriend can be tough when they aren’t cordial. This also creates unnecessary drama to maintain a relationship that may be ready to stall sooner than later.
He keeps you away from his friends/family.
Very similar to the last point, he doesn’t see the value in bringing you into his circle because you may not be around long. He may not want to create “mutuals” with you in case he needs to make a clean break. He may not specifically be anticipating a break-up, but the thought of keeping ties separate is in the back of his mind. This can be embarrassing for you if these feelings aren’t mutual.
He changes jobs or moves a lot.
Even if he’s dragging you along for all his moves, it shows a major lack of commitment. Constantly having to adjust to his changing life can leave you even more frustrated when you realize that his shiftlessness carries over into your relationship as well.
All of these things can be horrifying to a woman that just wants to move forward and build a life with her man. While the actions may be common in the current dating climate, it doesn’t make them any less mortifying for the woman that has to endure them. If your guys is nailing several items on the list, it may be time to GET OUT.