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9 Lies You Tell Yourself When a Good Guy is Pursuing You

Updated: Feb 9, 2021

Some of us can talk ourselves out of a GOOD man. I mean… easily. It’s probably automatic for the chronic skeptics. When you think about it, it’s actually pretty sad. A guy can be doing almost everything right and our gut reaction is to wonder “who sent him” or try to pick him apart to find out what’s “wrong” with him (because there’s gotta be something, right?). Life has taught too many of us to be super skeptics in the love department. While it’s not entirely your fault as a skeptic, it will be your undoing if you allow yourself to believe these 9 lies when a good guy is pursuing you.

He's crazy.

Period… point blank. This is probably the best lie to tell yourself if you want to block a genuinely good guy. It creates a façade of safety concerns because “you just never know when his crazy will pop out”. Here’s a valid question for you. Do you feel like a man has to be crazy to genuinely want to be with you? If that’s not the case, you’re insulting yourself by telling yourself this particular lie. He’s not crazy because he wants to spend time with you or date you. What’s crazy is you not knowing how amazing you are.

He's desperate.

Again, this lie is actually an insult to you as a person because why would you imply, he’s desperate for wanting to date you? Are you that low on the totem pole of good catches? Of course not! Maybe he’s motivated to learn more about and get to know your quirks. This doesn’t make him desperate and it’s unfair that his enthusiasm is met with a strong side eye. Try thinking he’s just attentive. You deserve this attention!

He's a new type of f-boy.

There are new one’s coming out?! Or are they like Jordans—same style, different color? Either way, this lie just ain’t IT. Realistically, there’s nothing that you can see on the surface that would lead you to believe that he’s a f-boy, but this lie pretty much covers it all. There can always be some “newly created” f-boy tendencies behind his genuine attempts (in your head). He’s got to be faking it and you’re about to discover the captain of all the f-boys in this guy. No. Just… nope. He’s not covertly running game and secretly plotting to ruin your life. He may just be nice guy who’s interested in being a part of your world.

He just wants sex.

Don’t we all? (Just kidding.) Sex isn’t everybody’s motivation to be nice and/or a decent human being. He may really just be a good person. He’s not working on this master agenda to trick you into sleeping with him so he can go back to being a jerk. Jerks are having more sex than actually good guys because of this. Don’t let your dating preference shift toward jerks because you think the nice guys are only being nice to sleep with you. That’s ridiculous!

He's too lame.

His weird jokes and corny sense of humor are going to be your downfall, huh? Not likely. Dating an awkward guy with horrible comedic timing hardly qualifies him to be thrown into the “too lame” category. Give him a try and stop lying to yourself about this being a deal breaker. The suave dudes that you THINK you want, have a way with the ladies… ALL of them. I’ll take a “lame” perfect fit for me any day over a ladies’ man who’s for everybody.

He already has a girlfriend somewhere.

This is a defense mechanism lie. (Kind of like: let me sabotage before he gets a chance to hurt me.) When most women feel disappointment is imminent, they create this narrative to avoid dealing with the attachment they’ve formed. If you think there’s another woman lurking around, you can detach quickly and easily. Stop telling yourself there’s another woman in the picture. We don’t want to manifest issues in a drama-free situation. Allow yourself to feel and connect. Give him a chance to sweep you off your feet without there being a cloud of suspicion hanging over your heads.

He just needs somewhere to live.

Some guys get really “romantic” when they need somewhere to live (women too), but this is not something that happens regularly. Don’t just assume that he’s sweet talking you just so that he can be your roommate. If he’s not leaning heavy into the move-in proposition a few weeks into the relationship, let the magic happen. He’s probably comfortable in his own space, anyway.

He's a liar.

Don’t spend your precious development time playing detective to see if he’s lying about something. Unless his stories are ridiculously outlandish and/or always paints him as a hero, relax. Nitpicking to find a lie will only make you hard to be around. Telling yourself this lie, could make you extremely hard to date. No one wants to always be forced to defend themselves against accusations of lying.

He doesn't make enough money.

Ma’am… if he checks all the other boxes and isn’t rich, you probably have a winner. If doesn’t make a lot of money, but is driven, he’s on the right path. Dismissing men on the grounds that they can’t financially spoil you, may be the reason why you’re single. Drop this lie and assess options for building/growing with your potential mate.

Now, if you thought it was your conscious speaking to you while you were reading the lies… you’ve probably been blocking the man of your dreams! No one can easily get around this wall of lies (which… I know… is kinda the point). You have to be open and stop building a wall of protection out of lies.

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