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Should Women Do More Pursuing?

Just typing the title of this post alone has me flinching as if one of my aunts is behind me about to slap the back of my head. I grew up in a very religious family and they drilled Bible verses about relationships and everything else into my head. The one that sticks out the most says, "the man that finds a wife, finds a good thing"... (with major emphasis on FINDS... as in he finds you). I have been hearing this verse from them for as long as I could even think about maybe being a boy's friend and it stuck (to a certain extent). I actually don't feel like I'm alone in this. Whether it was taught with a Bible verse or just taught as a rule of thumb for how women should behave, this is something that most of us women have internalized. Men pursue women. That's just the way it worked.

The first time I really questioned it was in college. Prior to that, I wasn't necessarily pressed about being in a relationship that was going anywhere. The naive hopeless romantic I was, assumed that any relationship I was in would result in fireworks, a ring, babies, etc. After the first guy showed me how people with the best intentions and the highest hopes will still fall short of the perfect relationship, I put my game face on. Whoever HE was, wasn't finding me fast enough. I was sliding into the age where I should have been dating with purpose. With that thought in mind, I figured I could at least start dropping breadcrumbs Hansel and Gretel style to help him along the way. I started thinking maybe I should put myself in the position to be "found". I studied females that appeared to be in happy relationships and realized that was mostly pretend for social media. *dead end* I needed better examples. As time progressed, I noticed my childhood friends starting to get married. The trend there was that they were marrying their childhood sweethearts and other people we'd grown up with our whole lives. While I didn't completely dismiss it, I figured that wasn't my "wave". I couldn't imagine they had to do any pursuing in those situations, but thought I'd look into being more available to be on the safe side. I tried to be on the scene a little more. It definitely didn't feel organic and thus, wouldn't produce organic love (in my mind... in my mind. I could have been wrong!).

The next wave of marriages came with college sweethearts and people that'd met while traveling (there's something to wanderlusting, huh?). After this wave is where I found my happy medium of pursuance. While I knew I couldn't sit on a pedestal and wait for Mr. Right to spot me through a sea of drunkened aggressive college girls, I wasn't organic for me to be so forward as to ask guys out. (That just always felt like a set up to be undervalued in a relationship.) I decided I'd just be me (not hide the goofy, delusional, over the top parts of me), but just be the most available me on every encounter with potential and see who responded.

With that being said, if it's in your personality to pursue, I don't find anything wrong with it. If you naturally don't have an aggressive personality, pursuing may result in you creating awkward situations and not necessarily sealing the deal. The key phrase here is "happy medium" across. the board. Even when you pursue and a relationship sparks, there has to be a balance in the relationship. If you find yourself constantly pursuing, I would question his motivation level. Men are expecting to be pursued more now because of equal rights and a laundry list of other factors. While not totally out of the question I believe in chivalry still (don't judge me).

I just can't participate in full-fledged pursuing because I think it's a part of chivalry. Still dropping breadcrumbs...

...until I snap and throw the loaf (LOL).

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