You know how jobs want you to do the work of the next level for a while before they give you the promotion? Well, a lot of men are like that too. Somehow, it’s easier for us to start looking for a better job and/or tell the job to kiss it than it is for us to do with our significant others. It’s completely understandable. There are no emotional ties to our jobs (for the most part) and it’s easier to see the benefits of going elsewhere. With our men it’s a different ball game and it’s hard to even identify when we’re overextending for them. So, in case you’re wondering, here are 9 signs that you may be overextending as a girlfriend.
Sis, if you’re bending over backward and somehow, he doesn’t see your sacrifices, this is a capital case of overextending! You and/or your efforts are virtually invisible to this man. He’s either too wrapped up in himself to acknowledge you or he just doesn’t care. Appreciation or the lack thereof speaks volumes.
You wouldn’t be able to keep up what you’re doing as a wife.
You’ve set some pretty high standards as a girlfriend and you know FULL well that you will NOT be doing all of these things as a wife. It could be something as simple as staying in shape or something major like paying his bills and/or supporting him. Don’t start what you can’t finish! If you’re not interested in making something a habit, don’t introduce it into the relationship as an “amenity” of dating you.
Other people can see an imbalance.
When we’re in the “thick of love”, we can’t see the obvious flaws in our partner and/or our relationship. We’ve all been quick to label concerned friends or family members potential haters when they mention anything imperfect about our mate. The truth is, from the outside looking in, they most assuredly can see some things that you can’t. Pointing out imbalances or negative attributes doesn’t make them a hater any more than they are a concerned loved-one.
Your needs aren’t being met.
When you’re really honest with yourself, you know that your needs aren’t being met by this guy. Meanwhile, you’re doing all you can to meet his needs. This isn’t a matter of “oh, but he’s trying”. Are your needs currently being met? If the answer is anything other than yes, that’s something to think about. You should be with someone capable of meeting your needs.
You place his happiness above yours.
I cringe at this thought, but I see it happen so often. Us good girls fall in love and start to put his feelings before our own. If caring for his feelings is causing you to disregard your own, it’s not a good fit. If you must emotionally deny yourself to be with him, it’s time to go walk in your happiness. If you’re not happy, there’s no way you can keep someone else happy! The relationship will most assuredly be doomed in this situation.
It’s impacting your self-care regimen.
If you’re skipping basic hygiene or dialing back on those things you do to find your happy place, you’re doing too much as a girlfriend. Overreaching for him to the detriment of your self-care is out of control! That’s never an option.
It’s a financial strain.
Girl… preserve your coins and your credit! You were not put on this earth to be anyone’s sugar mama. You also were placed here to abandon all hopes of being financially stable to prove your love to a man. No ma’am! You should not be trying to buy your way into anyone’s heart. If he doesn’t value you without monetary gifts/gain, he can kick rocks (wearing open toe sandals).
You’re replacing professional help that he needs.
It’s a romantic thought to be a man’s everything, but there are certain professional roles you should NEVER try to play. If your man needs mental assistance or counseling, you are not certified to do this and should never position yourself to try. If anything, get him the help that he needs.
You pride yourself on being a “ride or die”.
Listen, taking charges for a man and/or doing crimes with him are obvious things that should scratch you right off of the “ride or die” list. However, those things that aren’t as legally serious could still be very detrimental to you. While it may be labeled as normal, riding through constant infidelity and/or abuse is NOT the wave. There’s no need to be a ride or die for a man who would push you under the car or has other “passengers”. Get out!
So, if you’ve skimmed these 9 signs and found yourself in more than a few, you’re not alone. It’s probably more common than not for women to overextend themselves as a girlfriend in hopes of being upgraded to a wife. While it’s not completely problematic, we shouldn’t be the ONLY ones auditioning for the role of a lifetime in these situations. Take the advice and dial it back accordingly.