Self-reflection is hard. (…especially when it leads to the conclusion that YOU have been in your own way) No matter how hard it may be; self-reflection is necessary and required more often for some people. If you’ve found that all your relationships have gone up in flames or somehow fizzled out before they could really mature, self-reflection may just be the next logical step in figuring out how to exist in a relationship. While relationships aren’t for everybody, if you’re l

“Does he like your hair like that?” That was the question I heard the most after I decided to chop my straight, relaxed hair off (leaving a few inches of my natural kinky hair). I was insecure at first, but it felt like a fresh start. I felt healthier for choosing to remove chemicals from my hair care routine and positive about the change. My aunts looked at me with unsure glances (that masked overall disapproval) while trying to fain support. Their concerned questions gave t

Repeat after me. Being single is NOT a death sentence or a measure of desirability. I know several people that enjoy the single life and are FULFILLED. We focus on getting into relationships so much that we don’t appreciate the time we could be using to discover and/or improve ourselves. It’s very possible to be single AND successful AND happy. Here are 5 habits of a successful single woman. EXERCISING We shouldn’t only exercise so that we can look good for someone else. We s

You may think that taking yourself out on a date means you're a total loser. This couldn't be further from the truth! This may actually be an indicator for “readiness to date” (date someone else, that is). Someone who can "date" themselves and not rely on someone else for validation is someone who's secure in who they are. Why is this important? Someone who's secure in who they are is someone that will function properly when they DO get into a relationship. If you aren't on t

Everybody has their own idea of what single women SHOULD be doing in 2018. Most of it includes finding ways to get a good man, getting married, and having babies. That’s not everybody’s dream. Some single women are more career driven and are in search of financial stability as opposed to Mr. Right. I can respect both sides, but I’ve put together a list of 8 things you should be doing as a single woman that doesn’t include trying to get married and start a family. PRACTICING S

It's funny how childhood can imitate adult life (in retrospect). I remember being 11 or 12 years old and possessing an almost obsessive determination to have a "normal" family when I was an adult. This determination was driven by the fact that I was being raised by my grandmother and my mother's siblings (because she'd been killed by my father). I was madly in love with my future because my present was just sad at times. I dreamed of a husband, kids, and having an amazing bon

We all would probably change something about ourselves if given the option (without the attached scrutiny). Let's be honest. We put on make-up to feel prettier and compete with other women from a desirability standpoint. Our face is our resume and we want it (and the rest of our body) to be able to compete in a flooded market. There's nothing wrong with it. We've been programmed to try to be as pretty as we possibly can be. We'd all love to have "pretty girl privilege" occasi

I was going to send this as an email because this is personal, but I figured I'd share it as a post instead. I started to really get down on myself a few days ago because I haven't reached goals I set years ago. I must say, I set pretty lofty goals for myself (because I refuse to be mediocre). There's something in me that KNOWS I'm supposed to be great and I can't bear to let that thing down. I've fallen short throughout the years and I'm hard on myself for it. Really hard. S

It's oftentimes glaringly obvious when you're not ready to be in a relationship, but other times it can be rather tricky to tell if you are ready for a new relationship or not. Some behaviors are only merely borderline problematic and thus could be interpreted as minor issues. I've compiled a list of debatable, obvious, and minor indicators that say you may not be ready to be in a relationship. This is for those individuals who may be fresh out of a relationship or those who

I keep preaching about self-love and "being a better you" in my posts, but I haven't really said anything about how to do this. Sometimes it takes everything in you to repair yourself after a break-up or serious let down. The good news is that if it's taking you a while to bounce back, that's completely normal. It takes more than a few days to break a tie to someone or something you loved deeply. Actually, in some cases it's merely the abandonment of the perfect love story yo

*The following story may be based on actual events... BUT... I will neither confirm or deny.* I lay in his lap watching Game of Thrones while he wriggles his fingers through my "naps" to massage my scalp. I make a pointedly sexual observation about Drogo and he defaults to lusting after Khaleesi. Instantly I'm annoyed. (I know, I know... unfair, but hear me out). Besides being a queen, her and I have NOTHING in common, and it's not the first time he's pined for someone that l

Some women are naturally aggressive, but that's not always seen in the best light. Others are pretty passive and introverted, which may leave them wanting in life. I'm somewhere in the middle. There are lots of women that won't initiate conversation or a dating scenario because of tradition and not wanting to be perceived as "easy" or "thirsty". If you're like a large majority of woman in the dating pool, the transition from single to dating can be tricky, but there are ways

One thing I can say that hasn't been an issue for me, is giving every man a fair chance to build or break my trust. While not always ideal for me, I refuse to sabotage a current relationship because of the lingering actions of someone who is and should stay in my past. This isn't necessarily easy for everyone and it's totally understandable. We've all had that one person to betray our trust so badly that we've memorized all their moves (and the red flags we should have caught

They say you always end up dating a version of your mom or dad and it has a lot to do with the Oedipus complex (we're sexually attracted to the parent of the opposite sex). I call BS on the complex theory, but I will say we do end up dating versions of the people that raised us. This is something that we must be very cognizant of because for some of us, it may not necessarily be a good thing. While some were raised by stellar examples of the men we would want to marry, other

We need to talk. (Don't you just hate that phrase?) No, but seriously we do. If you're ready to get on the dating scene and have been using social media profiles/dating sites to make possible connections, pay close attention. Your profile can either get you a great catch or a terrible experience. We're leaning towards a great catch, right? Here are a few things to tweak if you plan to try making a love connection via social media. Profile Picture Do you have one of those clea

It is not your responsibility to groom your partner into an adult, but it IS your responsibility to motivate them to greatness. Maybe it's a slippery slope, but I'll try to explain. The idea here is to help them develop themselves, not to poke them with a cattle prod to do what you THINK they should be doing for you. There shouldn't be anything directly self-serving about this at all. This is not a mandate to change a person's goals to yours. The point of it all is to support

Tonight is actually a fitting night to address this issue that is common enough. I discussed this with a friend a while ago and was looking for a good time to write about it. Tonight seems right because so many people try to avoid being alone on Valentine's Day like it's some sort of plague. The people with this mentality are probably the same individuals that can't seem to avoid jumping into new relationships immediately after a break-up. Don't get me wrong, I understand and

(This is my 2nd attempt at posting this, but I'm determined.) So I came across the above picture on Instagram and needless to say, it had some good points. First, I want to say that it's not only black men and women that are raised this way. It's problematic across the board. With that being said, I'll dive right in. I have often caught myself wondering who raised this inconsiderate, selfish, disloyal, and entitled group of men that seem to plague our generation. I have been

So, I watched Rob and Chyna tonight and it really made me realize something very important about relationships. Before you start to judge me, hear me out. It may seem like common sense to say that if you are damaged, you won't be functional in a relationship, but it's deeper than that. When you have deep-set self image issues that go untreated, you take it into your relationship and deflect it onto your partner. Rob is dealing with serious self-image issues because he wants t